Collection X

This movie was broadcast March 16, 1992, when I had just turned 13 and been inadvertently thrown out of the closet. My mother had found a journal I was writing about a boy in my class, and had not handled the situation well. I knew this movie was coming on and I needed to watch it. It was the first time I had heard of a movie with a gay theme and on that night I was sitting, glued to the TV.

I remember watching it in awe, as the story played out, here was the first time I saw positive images of gay men. These guys were masculine and well-spoken and it was a whole new concept of gay for me. Before this I never really thought I was gay. I was attracted to one person my whole life thus far and he was a man. I thought I was single sexual.

My mom spoke with my father, who called me 15 minutes before the movie was over. We had just received our first VCR the week before so I taped the last 15 minutes and took the call. It was what could be expected of the time... what was wrong with me, I was a disgrace, a piece of shit and he was going to get me counseling.

But when I came back to that movie I had a sense again that things might be ok. We had no cable so the signal wasn't very good but I must have watched the grainy footage from the last 15 minutes of the film about 50 times. I remember the father in the story saying to the gay son "Whatever you are, we love you."